We are often not aware of how others misinterpret our messages. It is said if you take ten people who witnessed a crime and ask them what they saw, you will get ten different stories.

HOW WE THINK SHAPES OUR PERCEPTION OF REALITY

Every person’s perception of reality is shaped by HOW and WHAT they think. More importantly, they perceive things based on HOW and WHAT they think about themselves personally. Furthermore, WHAT they think other people are THINKING and SAYING about them influences how people FEEL about themselves, especially when they have low self-confidence, self-esteem, and/or self-worth. Yet since we cannot read minds, we are OFTEN projecting how we think and feel about ourselves onto others.

OUR FEELINGS ABOUT OURSELVES INFLUENCES OUR PERCEPTION

Unfortunately, how we feel and think about ourselves is shaped by our experiences in our formative years. Since the people we spend most of our intimate time with are often our parents or caregivers, you begin to understand the importance of having parents and caregivers who know how to properly nurture and care for the children in their care.

WHEN ESSENTIAL AND VITAL NEEDS ARE NOT PROPERLY MET

Everyone has the same NEEDS, while they may occur at different stages in one’s life or be at a different level of priority, we all have the same needs. Many needs are primarily met, again, by our parents or caregivers. Imagine what happens when those needs are not met or poorly met. There are immediate and long-term consequences, which can be detrimental spiritually, psychologically, physically, and financially.  Many of those children may grow up insecure; may have low self-esteem; can have low self-confidence; may be anxious, fearful, angry, or depressed; can have a low or poor sense of self-worth; may feel disconnected from others; often can feel isolated and lonely; may feel unloved or unlovable, not enough, not good enough, or unwanted.

AN UNHEALTHY MESSAGE PARENTS UNKNOWINGLY SEND

Instead of appreciating the effort of their children, many parents and caregivers demand more. Worse, they express their dissatisfaction by withholding love and encouraging words. Still, if that is not bad enough, when the child does good, it is frequently not good enough to please their parents or caregivers. Bit by bit, the child begins to feel and think that they are not “good enough” as they are. The next thought is then, “perhaps if I am perfect my parent or parents will love and accept me.” The message that childish brain is receiving is that she or he must be perfect to get love. Phrased another way, love is conditional on them being perfect. Sadly, that little child does not realize that perfection is impossible to achieve and begins a journey that is destined to end in frustration, disappointment, and unbearable pain.

EXPRESS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE NO MATTER THE RESULT

Most people do try to do their best; therefore, we should be able to say with enthusiasm and conviction, “bravo, job well-done!” At the same time, be clear to convey that your love is NOT conditional on their performance. Love is an essential need. The goal is to make that child feel LOVED no matter what! However, it has been my experience that somehow, we manage to convey that “you are not loved when you misbehave or do poorly.” Therefore, it is imperative to communicate often and frequently with your children. Find out what they are THINKING and FEELING before it is too late, and much damage is done.