Everyone knows what needs to get done to effect the change or changes they desire or want in their lives. However, there is an invisible or seemingly invisible force pushing or pulling them away from doing the things they must do to have what they want. Since I was sixteen, I developed a morbid curiosity about why we/humans do the things we do. Decades later I would finally understand the forces driving our every action.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED

Everyone is familiar with the idea of setting a goal. Now they say don’t say a goal, instead say a milestone. Then some take it a step further and say, instead, have clarity about the outcome you want or desire. I say have clarity about the outcome that satisfies or meets your dominant need. Thus, right away, you begin to see the importance of our needs. They say most people will do what they want rather than what they need. I say that is often because most people do not realize that their wants and desires are meeting some need(s) that they have not yet identified. There is one dominant need that is driving everyone in any given moment. Therefore, you must gain clarity about that need. Then you must examine your identity. If your identity conflicts with your current life, then you must take the time to renew your heart, mind, and soul by examining your beliefs for truth and love.

YOU HAVE CLARITY, WHAT’S NEXT?

You have clarity and yet your actions are not moving you towards the outcome that you desire or want. There are two forces driving every action: the force to avoid pain (which indirectly is gaining pleasure), or the force to gain pleasure (which is directly seeking pleasure). Research has shown that the force propelling us to avoid pain is greater than the force propelling us to directly seek pleasure. Thus, the question you must ask yourself in any given moment as you are about to act or as you reflect on your action is, “What pain am I trying to avoid?” Most people do not realize that pain is not just physical, there is also emotional (psychic) anguish, mental angst, and spiritual distress.

CHANGE YOUR INTERNAL ASSOCIATIONS

If the action that gets you healthy or healthier has somehow become linked to pain in your subconscious mind, you must work internally to change that link. The action that you will consistently take is the one that either avoids pain or gives you pleasure. You must rewire your mind to view the action as being associated with no pain or giving you pleasure. Furthermore, the action that you used to indulge in that caused your issue must now be viewed as an action that causes more pain than pleasure. In addition, you must master your state. The state is the emotional, mental, and spiritual state that you are in in any given moment from which you act. If that state is not empowering, you are more likely to act in ways that do not promote total health. You are more prone to take action that gives you pleasure while compromising your values.

MASTER YOUR STATE AND DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT

We all act to change how we feel. There is a feeling that we want when we choose to act. You want to feel:

• Enough
• In control and certain/assured
• Loved and lovable
• Valued and appreciated
• Safe and protected
• Connected and matter
• Excited and enthused
• Deserving and worthy

Notice what we desire to feel is closely tied to our needs; thus, ultimately it is about gaining clarity about your needs and getting those needs met in healthy ways.