Why Self-Care Deteriorates In the Absence of Unconditional Love

Do you have a healthy loving relationship with yourself?

When you love someone, you invest your money, energy, and time to develop a healthy relationship. You never give up on someone you unconditionally love.  How often have you given up on yourself?

When You Don’t Love Unconditionally

It’s easy to give superficial care, with no real emotional attachment or investment.  In fact, many would be surprised how often we say we care, but our actions are lacking in unconditional love.  Consider this for a second: “Do you think a person eating three meals a day and getting seven hours of sleep is getting the quality care needed to develop into a healthy and well-adjusted adult?”

The mistake many people make is believing, feeling, or thinking that food and sleep are sufficient care.  Care without love is often felt by the recipient as emotional detachment and neglect.  There is no intimacy or connection in the relationship.  There is also no compassion, acceptance, respect, or empathy, which makes it easier to give up when the going gets tough.

It’s Hard To Really Care When You Don’t Love

To the average person it may seem as if I genuinely cared about myself; however, on closer examination I did not. I did not love me, because I thought that “as I was, was not good enough to be loved”. Thus, while I provided for myself in many ways, I was constantly trying to change me.  I could not accept me as I was because I was “flawed”. This inner turmoil destroyed my peace and created havoc in my life.  

  • Where did these toxic thoughts and limiting beliefs come from? 
  • Have you ever had similar thoughts?

It became harder and harder to stay committed to my healthy habits, because deep inside I did not love me. I was not pleased with the person God had created.  Little did I realize how disrespectful and displeasing that was to God. I was choosing consciously, for all the wrong reasons, not to love one of God’s children. Remember, our choices always have consequences. 

Why We Struggle To Love Ourselves?

We struggle to love ourselves because we believe, feel, or think that “this self” is not acceptable; “this self” should be better; “this self” is not enough. There is a mindset of paucity, of lack. Often this results from growing up in an abusive environment or one that was not very nurturing [spiritually, psychologically, physically, or financially].  So, we begin a journey to change “this self”. 

Despite everything we do, we are “stuck with this self” and in anger and frustration, we start to resent “this self” and punish unconsciouslythis self” for ruining our plans to be a “better self”, a “perfect self”.  The irony often is once we begin to love and accept “this self”, we start the process of transformation.  We begin transforming into the better version of ourselves we’ve always wanted.


  1. We stop listening to our needs
  2. We push our bodies to extreme
  3. We overindulge, resulting in unhealthy consequences
  4. We stop caring and simply just go through the motions
  5. We have no boundaries and allow others to treat us with disrespect
  6. We isolate ourselves

Love First In Order To Create Change

Love nurtures and encourages; love is patient, kind, and merciful; and love shows empathy.  More important, love empowers and strengthens you to take the necessary steps to become totally healthy.  Love gives you everything you need to live your life more abundantly.  Love never demands, it humbly asks that you love unconditionally, not only yourself, but each other

If you are not loving unconditionally, you are existing in a state of fear and limiting your full potential.  A state that will leave you constantly searching for jopeco and satisfaction.  Shift your focus, embrace love, and improve the quality of your care and life. 


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Susan Regisford, MD is a faith-based holistic wellness coach who works with you to create a custom wellness plan. Through one-on-one sessions, she helps you define goals to achieve total health. Connect with Susan to schedule your first free 15-minute consultation today.
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