First, we must know what healthy is so that we can recognize unhealthy. Second, cut yourself some slack, humans are relational beings. We will develop relationships with people, places, positions, and our possessions. If you doubt this, think about your relationship with your pet or your favorite electronic gadget. The problem folks is that we have developed distorted love, which causes us to value and love things more than ourselves or other people.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP DEFINED

This applies to every relationship, whether it is with a human or a non-human. A healthy relationship has the following characteristics:

1. It is a two-way street. This means there is give and take on both sides. If you are constantly giving and the other side is constantly taking, it is time to seriously EXAMINE that relationship.
2. It supports and encourages.
3. It holds you accountable with love and honesty.
4. It accepts and allows you to be you.
5. Boundaries are respected.
6. Integrity and truth are essential and must be present.

WHY WE HOLD ON TO UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

The first thing we should know is that not every relationship is meant to last forever. People come into our lives for a reason and a season. When we remember this, it helps us to maintain our peace when the relationship ends. Second, people will end relationships without telling you why. Third, learn to recognize your own value and worth. The sayings that “you complete me” or “you make me whole” may sound romantic; however, they are not true. You are complete and whole just as you are. You hold on because:

1. You do not recognize your value and worth.
2. You erroneously believe you are not enough or lovable.
3. You may also believe you are not deserving.
4. Then there is the belief that you cannot cope.

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN PARALYZES US

This is a truism; we stay in our mess because that mess provides some comfort. No matter how small that comfort may be. That mess also allows us to VALIDATE our core beliefs, no matter how erroneous they may be. Many people do not realize that they have the power to change their core beliefs, which will allow them to make healthy or healthier choices and end unhealthy relationships. This applies to our relationship with food, as well as with people, positions, or places. If there is fear, there is an absence of love. Fear prevents us from remembering that there is enough and fosters a continued state of paucity thinking.

YOU ARE NOT SPIRITUALLY ALIGNED

We have all been here and we will periodically slip out of alignment. Thus, it is important each day to check your spiritual alignment. The first sign of misalignment is that we slip back into our unhealthy patterns of behavior. The primary cause is that we believe that we can do this journey called life on our own. The next cause may be an influx of doubts. Remember who benefits when we allow doubts to destroy our alignment. It is important to not only KNOW the truth, but we must also BELIEVE the truth of the power and love of the spirit within us.

• Do you believe in the power and love of the spirit within you?
• What are you gaining by holding on to your unhealthy relationship?
• What are you losing by holding on to your unhealthy relationship?
• What do you value more, your health or your unhealthy relationship?

What we are willing to give our money, energy, and time to demonstrates what we value MOST.