Strange question you may be thinking but give me a few seconds to explain. My approach to TOTAL HEALTH is all about reclaiming your self-worth. Notice I said, reclaim. Before we were formed in our mother’s wombs, we were worthy because God deemed it so. Nothing or no one can take away your worth. However, we know that many people may feel unworthy because of the behavior of important people in their lives. Those important people, usually caregivers, may have unintentionally or deliberately set out to create in you a sense that you were not worthy just as you are.

FEELING UNWORTHY DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORT

The scenario that existed may be that one or more of your caregivers were abusive. They were abusive either verbally, physically, financially, psychologically, withholding food, etc. They could also have been abusive by making unrealistic demands. To further complicate the picture, even when you met those unrealistic demands, they still never encouraged, congratulated, or showed you love. In essence you never felt loved or a sense of wellbeing in their presence, and more often than not, you were afraid. You were made to feel that no matter what you did, you would never be good enough. Sadly, some caregivers explicitly verbalized that you were not good enough or that you were worthless or useless.

CHILDREN ARE NOT PROPERLY EQUIPPED TO COPE

As a child, you develop problematic thinking. Then you don’t know how to process the feelings that result from your faulty thinking. In your childish way, you try to be better than the person you are. You create an ideal version of self that you think would please your caregiver and you set out to become that ideal person. In the process several things happen:

1. You lose your sense of the REAL self
2. You begin to hate the REAL you, which you think is not good enough
3. Despite your best effort you fail to become the IDEAL self
4. Every failed attempt to be IDEAL further increases your displeasure at the REAL you
5. You drive the REAL you to extremes to become the IDEAL self
6. A sense of DISSATISFACTION AND EMPTINESS develops in your heart, mind, and soul

FEELING UNWORTHY LEADS TO UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS

The full scope of unhealthy behaviors that results when you feel unworthy is too broad to be covered in this post; however, I will list ten of the ones I have seen and participated in:

1. You go to extremes in your behaviors
2. You may suffer from “all-or-nothing thinking”
3. You are never happy with your accomplishments
4. You make UNREALISTIC demands of self
5. You may develop addictive behaviors [to food, to unhealthy relationships, to alcohol or drugs, or to sex, gambling, or reckless behaviors]
6. You try to fill the void with people, places, positions, and possessions
7. You become a people pleaser, and often get used in the process
8. You struggle to be satisfied with the REAL you
9. You show a certain lack of C.A.R.E. for the REAL you
10. You are unable or struggle to LOVE the REAL you

Can You Be Okay With The REAL You?

If any of this rings a bell, the question I ask you is: “Can you be okay with the real you, flaws and all?” I was forced to ask myself this question in my healing journey. Here are four truths that will give you comfort:

1. No one is PERFECT and EVERYONE makes mistakes
2. As you are is more than GOOD ENOUGH, because God does not make mistakes
3. When you begin to LOVE the real you, you will encourage yourself to become the BETTER version of you, which you may be surprised to discover, is better than the “illusive IDEAL self” you created
4. God loves you unconditionally, JUST AS YOU ARE, flaws and all