The closest some humans come to unconditional love on this earth, is being exposed to the unconditional love of their parents. While you may think that every parent should love their children unconditionally, sadly that is not the case. Many people have children for the wrong reasons. I have often heard this comment, “Not because you are capable of producing an egg or a sperm, means you should be a parent”.
Most parents love unconditionally
Most good parents love their children unconditionally; however, that does not mean they never discipline their children. God’s love is always unconditional. Yet, loving someone unconditionally demands that you hold them accountable for their behavior and that is a tightrope that must be walked in any relationship. Knowing the right balance is essential for a healthy relationship.
Some parents do not love at all
I struggled for years to comprehend how a parent can love one child and hate the other. I tried to understand why my father did not love me even though I worked very hard to earn his love. Unfortunately, I will never know if I succeeded because he died suddenly and left a lot of unanswered questions..
Forgiveness bridges the hurt
Life continued, and I needed to process years of hurt to get to a place of acceptance and forgiveness. I finally accepted that I cannot change the past and I forgave my father for the years of suffering and pain he caused me. Why? Forgiveness is not only about the person who did wrong; forgiveness is about the spiritual health of the person who was hurt. You hinder your intimate relationship with God when you do not forgive those who have done you wrong, which prevents you from attaining spiritual health.
Forgiving is not condoning
Many people mistakenly believe that if you forgive someone you are condoning their bad behavior; however, that is not the case. You hold them accountable for their bad behavior, but you forgive them to prevent the Devil from gaining a stronghold in your life. Unforgiveness breeds resentment and bitterness, which creates a fertile field for the Devil to sow seeds of malcontent and other negative emotions. Pray to God to show you how to forgive those who have hurt you and forgive them so that you can fulfill your potential on this earth.
Your post has me thinking;
how do YOU personally define love, and/or the lack of in regards to your father?
I only ask because, we as people expect and accept only what we know, unless seen, told, read, or experienced (etc) otherwise.
How do we gauge what is acceptable or not?
I think I may have trust issues regarding love, but I’m not sure. I guess I don’t really know what it means.
I would “love” (haha) and appreciate some feedback.
Peace & Blessings
I personally define love probably differently from most people. When I say I love someone, it comes with a lot. That means I am loyal, faithful and trustworthy. I respect that person and treat them with consideration. I don’t put them on a pedestal though.
A parent should love their child unconditionally and the role model for many parents is their own parent’s or God or a combination of both.
Loving someone does not mean you allow them to walk all over you and abuse you; you should set boundaries in every relationship.
Thanks.
You know one thing I regretfully do, but still think is reasonable; blame my parents, or at least my mum, for what I see as short comings in my life. Not engaging in my educational and emotional life. Never saw them exchange affection, I don’t remember receiving affection. Terms like, ‘I love you’ were never expressed in our house. Cultural knowledge and traditions erased.
I think like this, then ‘slap’ myself for thinking so, because my other ego tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself and I’m making excuses.
This issue if it is one, is complex. I think it stems from ‘love”, and is ultimately about having freedom from one’s own mind. That last bit reads a bit extreme, maybe I need more responsibility in my life to grant purpose, instead of having myself to think about too much.
It is tough when you don’t grow up around expressions of love or see your parents being affectionate as you see in the romance shows on tv.
I can totally relate, but at some point I made the decision that once I was an adult, I had to take responsibility for my life (with God’s help).
So my father did not love me, oh well, I CANNOT CHANGE THAT….but I can choose to learn how to be loving and be a better friend, sister, cousin, daughter, etc.
You can learn to love, despite the lack of love. Manifest what you want by giving what you would like others to give back.
Of course, learn to read the tea leaves correctly. If someone is disrespectful and untrustworthy, perhaps that is not the person you want to fall in love with.
Choose wisely. People can lie and deceive you, but eventually with time their true nature will show.
Be patient, take the time to know what you want and then seek it with a positive attitude.
This was a touching post and really resonated with me. As a survivor of child abuse, I too had to learn to forgive the person that hurt me. It had been said and I will say it again, it is so important to forgive, not for the person but for yourself.
Thank you for writing this, as I have realised how far I’ve come and how much happier I am now.
I am so sorry to hear that; however, I am pleased to know that you are much happier as well after forgiving. You are welcome, happy to help in any small way. My hope is that this site can be a platform for sharing, healing and growth for all those who visit.