As a person who spent most of her adult life, sabotaging herself, I am happy to share what I learned about self-sabotage. The interesting thing to realize is that self-sabotage shows up in some interesting ways in our lives. Have you ever over worked yourself just before an important event, then showed up too tired to perform at your best?

1: THE REASONS WHY WE SELF-SABOTAGE

There may be many more reasons, since I am not a psychologist, I can only speak from my own experience. These are the six reasons that kept cropping up in my life, every time I self-sabotaged:

1. Buried deep within is a belief that you are not good enough, worst, coupled to that belief is, “no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.” With such beliefs, is it any surprise that I struggled to achieve my weight loss goal for decades.
2. Perfectionistic tendencies coupled with the problematic thinking that “it is all or nothing.” Again, it is easy to see how if I was not perfect in sticking with my diet, I would spiral into days of eating cookies and ice-cream.
3. Your needs are not being met. You recognize the needs but cannot get them met, so instead you meet them in unhealthy ways. Perhaps, you are not aware that you have those needs, so when you have a feeling and don’t quite understand, you respond with the wrong approach. Whatever you have used over the years to cope, becomes your default when you don’t KNOW how to identify and cope effectively with your feelings.
4. Your plan to accomplish your goal is unrealistic or too rigid. This may or may not be linked to “perfectionistic tendencies.” You set yourself up for failure, which reinforces number one, and when you get frustrated, you default back to your unhealthy habit of self-sabotage.
5. You were in a vulnerable state. Remember there are four states when we are most vulnerable: hunger, anger, tiredness, and spiritual and emotional emptiness. We are most vulnerable when we are full of HATE and empty of LOVE.
6. You celebrate your wins by falling back into unhealthy habits that give you instant gratification. You have just lost ten pounds, you get so excited, you go out with friends and end up overeating. However, it does not stop after one meal, before you know it, a few weeks have gone by, and the ten pounds are back.

2: THE CONSEQUENCES OF SELF-SABOTAGE

You do not have to look very far to see the consequences of self-sabotage. It stands to reason that you will see the evidence in all four pillars over time. There is the obvious physical consequences of diseases and weight gain. Psychological consequences result when there are feelings of shame and guilt about your repeated inability to achieve your goal. This can lead to depression or anxiety to name the more obvious ones. The financial consequences may take a while to show up, but your finances will be negatively impacted at some point. Then there is the spiritual consequence that most people don’t realize. You find yourself drifting away from your relationship with Christ. You may also avoid social gathering because you are feeling embarrassed or ashamed about the way you look.

3: SELF-SABOTAGING IS A DEVELOPED HABIT

Like all habits, good or bad, you developed the habit of self-sabotage over time with repetition. Thus, you have to work to replace the habit of self-sabotage with the habit of healthy and loving self-care. You see how love comes into every aspect of our health and life? When you recognize your worth, your value, you are more inclined to take better care by setting healthy boundaries. You show CARE for self and recognize when you have too much on your plate or your plan is unrealistic or too rigid.

4: WITH EVERY HABIT THERE IS A REWARD

You may not want to admit this, but the reason we fall back into unhealthy habits is because they provide some reward, albeit smaller and smaller over time. We often fall back into unhealthy habits because the reward is also INSTANTANEOUS. Thus, it is very important to BE AWARE, be in the moment. Know your MAP, and frequently check-in that your GPS is functioning accurately. Be aware of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs and get those needs met in healthy ways.